As if by the beating of my heart

Of late, I've been thinking that I take a lot of things for granted. I take for granted the fact that clean water flows out of the tap at home when I care to turn it on. I take for granted the food that I eat, the air that I breathe. Though I try not to use it, I have control over my immediate climate because we have these wonderfully powerful heaters and air-conditioners. In short, I take for granted all the elemental things in life. This is not to say that I don't appreciate what I have and enjoy, it is just that sometimes, I live by it unaware, "as if by the beating of my heart."

And that is perhaps why any action - by society at large and by policy makers - towards curbing global warming is going to be so hard. We know how lucky we are, but yet, we live by it unaware. We appreciate it, yet we don't cherish it. I've been so lucky. But how much longer will this luck last? How long before I experience what most citizens of planet earth experience, namely the necessity to fight for daily survival?

This worries me because I would like Zoe to enjoy all that I've enjoyed. And because I would like all the children in this world to enjoy what I've enjoyed too. And it appears that the chances are slimmer by the day. Would we know to make the right choices individually and collectively?

***

I remember the time, on a trip to Nepal, because I assumed water to be always free of muck, all my lovely Marks and Spencer undies were tainted a dirty yellow color the first time I hand washed them there. Then, after getting used to showering in yellow water, how I was surprised by the gleaning clean water that flowed out of the tap when I got home to Singapore.

I remember running out of water on a hike and the thirst I felt in the last, few hot desert miles.

I remember how people of my mom's generation were still so thrifty with their water use, even after it was no longer necessary. The "aunties," because they lived through having to line up to get their daily rationed bucket of water in town (for the whole family), would shower using just a bucket of water. They poured the water onto themselves with the help of a ladle.

***

I'm So Excited!

Zoe spent her first official day at daycare today. Well, it is really 1/2 day since we arrived at 9 in the morning and I picked her up at noon again. It went unbelievably well. She was interested in the circle time (where the children gather in a circle and sing songs), she did not cry when I left (granted, she was quite distracted when I left and may not have noticed my "mama will come back to get you later, play with the kids for now."). And - contrary to expectations - she didn't cry the entire time she was there. According to the teacher, she made friends and had fun playing with the other kids. She also noted that the other kids were curious about her and were very friendly to Zoe. In short, Zoe had a good time. I am thrilled, thrilled, thrilled!!! Our little girl's little steps into the world. She even kissed Zhu Zhu Ahyi when we were leaving and waved goodbye to all the other kids.

Big Steps

So... not sure if I told anyone about this, but I've been thinking about going back to work. It was a lot more idle thinking than action for the longest time. But because Zoe is approaching the age where she would benefit from the socialization afforded by either a day care or preschool environment (i.e. she has reached the stage where spending all day with me is no longer the best possible environment for her), and because I fret that the longer I stay out the more irrelevant my prior experience and atrophied my working muscles would be, I've started spending more time examining the work I would like to do, the companies who are hiring, and the companies I would love to work for.

To make a long story short. I identified a company I think I would love to work for. I was admiring it from afar when lo and behold, they have an opening. It is an unpaid temporary position (pooey), but if I get to learn something (and I think there will be a lot to learn) and perhaps even make a great enough impression to be thought of first the next time they have a paid opening, why not? Dennis and I discussed it and we think we can manage the extra expense of child care for now. (So wonderful to have such a supportive husband). So I applied. Most incredibly, they called me back. For an interview.

Anyhow, as happy as I was about it, I saw that I would have to find Zoe a preschool or childcare center in short order. This time, I was not in too much of a panic about it as I already interviewed and visited a place I thought would be alright if it came down to it. But because I was not confident that that is the optimal place for Zoe in terms of the kind of stimulation she would get, plus I didn't like the 1 adult to 6 little toddlers ratio of the home (what if there is a fire? how would she get everyone out?), I spent Thursday night calling all the places I can find online and then planned to visit as many as I could on Friday.

I'll make the story short. I found the place where I can leave Zoe at and be confident that she would be well taken care of and be happy in. Many aspects of it won me over, beginning with the fact that it is Chinese run. They speak mainly Chinese to the children and so it would help Zoe learn Chinese. Then, even though it is situated in a house, it feels like a cozy little school. The owner dedicated the entire ground floor of the house to the children. The living room is the school room. The family living room is the play room. And there's lots of backyard space for the kids to play in. The walls are decorated with learning charts and posters. There's even an upright piano for the music time. The adult to toddler/preschooler ratio is about 1 to 3 (Aside fron the owner, there is an assistant, as well as the owner's mother and mother-in-law). She is licensed to take 12, but she has 9 at the moment. I also liked that the meals are prepared by the grandma and that whatever she was cooking smelled delicious when I was there. The vibe is right. I think happy is the word.

Most importantly, Zoe seemed to have liked the kids who were there too. Unlike the other places that I visited, Zoe responded to the kids at this place. I think Zoe liked especially that there is a cat and dog on the premise too. (Funny how things work. Normally, pets would be a negative to me because of possible allergens concern. But Zoe was so thrilled to see the cat, I forgave it almost immediately). It was so charming when all the kids ran to say hi to the little dog locked beyond the fence. By the time Zoe and I left in the afternoon, Zoe was calling this boy by his name (Sebastian) and the referring to the cat's name (Mimi) and saying byebye to "Zhu Zhu Ahyi." (Zhu Zhu is the name of the owner and Ah yi means auntie).

Ah, Zoe is exiting that part of childhood where her whole world is just mama and papa. And I am exiting - well hopefully exiting - that part of my life as a stay-at-home-mom. I pray that the transition would be smooth. We are so lucky to have had the time together. I'm so glad we didn't end up putting Zoe in child care at four or six months of age, that we had this time to bond, to spend together. There will be less and less of that in the future.

Wish List

I have been thinking about the sort of things I would like Zoe to have and making a list. It is not entirely one of my making. I've been observing the sort of toys Zoe gravitate towards in the store and seem to really love. Then, there's the ones we read are important to her developmentally. We won't be getting her the stuff on the list at one time, since we need to be more thrifty than usual. But more importantly, because there are some important lessons in having to wait, having desires that are unfulfilled. Scarcity builds character. Of course, I am telling that to myself too, to restraint my instinct to simply acquire everything that seems to interest Zoe. Zoe just have to wait for her birthdays and Christmases to come around.
List:
- A proper dollhouse (Zoe loves doll houses. She really enjoys the pretend play)
- A tricycle (not sure if she would love it, but she is very interested in seeing other kids ride theirs)
- Woodblocks (http://thevillageblocksmith.com/ because I think it would be cool. Zoe doesn't know this exist yet)
- A doll and pram (She loves the baby dolls at Gepetto's. She cuddles them and pretends to feed and bath them. But this is lower in priority, since I believe that she can easily make Teddy Bear do double duty as baby doll).
- Sand and water table
- Musical instruments like triangle and drums

Walking in La Jolla

Today, I was so exhausted that I laid down on the floor to rest. Zoe came around many times to kiss me right on my lips. It is a moment I wish to store away in my memory bank for eternity, to be conjured up with clarity whenever and wherever.

Odds and Ends

Zoe has a tea party. Full disclosure: she did not arrange the stuffed animals herself.



Zoe takes time to smell the roses. After she takes a sniff...



...she makes sure that Bear enjoys the fragrance too.



I'm so proud of Zoe's emerging Lego skills. This structure was completely conceived, designed, and built by Zoe; no help from Mom and Dad! Considering that Jackie's family is in real estate development, maybe it's in the blood.



There may come a day in the future (most likely during adolescence) when Zoe may bemoan my decision to post this photo, but in my defense, it was so cute I couldn't resist. So without further ado I present to you: Zoe's toilet training.



Finally, a video from Beijing. We took a calculated risk with Zoe every time we hopped into a car -- no child car seats! Zoe didn't seem to mind though. Here, she's amused by Jackie's cousin Derrick, who was making funny faces at her from the back row of the family SUV.

Art

We draw on command for Zoe's pleasure. Here are some commissioned art work by Zoe.

Birthday parties

We attended Caroline 's 2nd birthday celebration last weekend. It was quite a big event, full of kids and parents. Perhaps I will always feel this way at birthday parties from hence on, but I felt a bit older just by looking at these kids grow, many of whom I recognized from last year's party, as they transform from tubby unstable crawlers/toddlers into self assured little girls and boys. Of course, the little ones were unaware of my feelings. They darted this way and that, yelled and squealed, marveled and explored. Our little Zoe was enthralled by all the new and unfamiliar toys. She also enjoyed sitting down at the little children's table. And she gulped down her first sugary juice package (the type sold in soft aluminum packages). Looking at her at the table watching the other kids reminded me that I have to get on with researching preschools for her. It is high time Zoe enters some structured learning/playing/socializing environment.

Really Long Sentence

Zoe said the longest sentence she has ever said last week. I was showing her pictures of the big bear she loved so much in China. She said "Baby want Big Bear!" I explained to her that Big Bear is in China, at Grandma's house. And she responded by saying "Mama carry baby go to grandma's house!"

One, Two!

Time: Today, before bedtime
Place: In the nursery.

Mama walks into the room and sees a pile of books scattered all over the floor. Papa is sprawled out too, obviously spent after reading the numerous books to Zoe.

Mama (in a determined voice): Alright, it's bedtime now.
Zoe (buying time): Mama? Mama read!
(Mama sighs)

Mama: Ok, but just one.
Zoe (pronounces with great emphasis and gestures with her fingers): Two!

Zoe prances off to pick her selection off the shelf. Mama wonders if it was such a good thing to teach Zoe how to count so early on.

China

We returned from China on Friday, having thoroughly enjoyed two weeks of spectacular sights, delicious food, and the lovely and loving company of family. Overall, Zoe did pretty well on this trip; by now she was familiar with airplanes (indeed, whenever she sees or hears a plane overhead, she points and says the Mandarin word for "plane"), so she was reasonably well behaved on the flight. It helped that we had an extra seat on the flight from Los Angeles to Beijing, so Zoe could stretch out and sleep properly. Unfortunately Jackie and I weren't so lucky, and neither of us slept well. But our spirits were revived upon arriving in Beijing and reuniting with Mom, Dad, Ben, and Jackie's cousin Derrick.

For most of the first week, we were all understandably jetlagged -- I think I was hit particularly hard, and I felt like I was in a fog during the day. Zoe's routines were disrupted too, but we did our best to reset her with regular meals and naps, and she eventually settled down. In the meantime, we had a fairly free-form agenda, consisting of seeing the sights, dining at nice restaurants around the city, and taking naps when we couldn't go on any further. Fortunately, we had drivers to take us where we wanted to go, a maid to prepare meals for Zoe, and masseuses to make the aches and pains go away at the end of the day.

I won't go into a blow-by-blow account of all the things we saw and did, but I'll share the highlights. Of course, we visited the Great Wall (we chose the section of the wall at Simatai, in order to avoid crowds), the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, and the Lama Temple. We met friends for meals and drinks, and got to see the "new" Beijing that has resulted from the fast-paced development of recent years (and that accelerated, obviously, with the Olympics). Whether seeing the old or new, I was impressed and a little overwhelmed by Beijing -- its size, pace, and energy.

One of the highlights of our stay was a side trip that we took to the ancient capital of Xi'an, about a 90-minute flight to the southwest from Beijing. We were joined by Jackie's brother Ben and his girlfriend Anna, and they were fine travelling companions indeed. In Xi'an we saw the famed Terra-Cotta Warriors, and explored the old Muslim Quarter of the city. Best of all, Ben took some amazing photos of our activities, which I've posted here.