Division of Labor and little changes at home.

"Parents are responsible for what is presented to eat and the manner in which it is presented. Children are responsible for how much and even whether they eat." - Ellyn Satter

Ever since I picked up the book called "How To Get Your Kid To Eat...But Not Too Much," I have been a reformed mom. Reading the book, I realized how mealtimes have become unpleasant, high pressure events for Zoe. "Yum, Yum!" I would chant. The spoon was always hovering about ready to be thrust into her mouth. Sometimes I sneaked a spoonful of food in as she opened her mouth to nibble on the bread at hand. How I cheered when she took the food. All these, alas, according to the book's author, Ellyn Satter, were pressuring tactics. And even though I knew I have to give her control of how much she consumed, as instructed by pediatricians like Dr. Brazelton, I often tried to get Zoe to take that "one more bite." And of course, the more I tried, the more she resisted. And, of course, the more she resisted by refusing to eat, the more anxious I became and the more I tried to get her to eat by persuasion or coercion, both of which never did work.

So, following the core advise of the book, I've forsworn trying to get Zoe to eat more and instead to trust that she will eat what she needs. I knew this of course, but it was hard to implement given the fact that Zoe is on the small side (even for an Asian). Anyhow, this may have been important before, it is especially important now that Zoe is at the stage where she wants to assert herself as a separate person. So, I am responsible for providing her with healthy, nutritious (and hopefully tasty) food in small to moderate quantities. She can decide how much she wants to eat, if any. And baby can ask for more if she wants more. It's been quite wonderful not having struggles (overt or covert) at mealtimes. I am more relaxed. Zoe seems to be happy with mommy's new mentality. She seems to be eating better. Just the other day, much to my delight, she demolished the cantaloupe I cut up for her. No urging needed. I simply put the pieces on her tray and then proceeded to eat my portion.

Another change we adopted (or are adopting) is eating together as a family. Except for breakfast, Zoe's mealtimes used to come before ours. That came about because we had to spoon feed her before, which was a full time job. Now that she is feeding herself and seems to want to eat what we eat, and now that we are adopting a more hands off attitude towards her eating, we decided it is time to partake meals together. This means a very early dinner - 6 pm at the latest. This is great as early dinners are better from the health standpoint and leaves us more time in the evening after Zoe has been put to bed to do other things. This also means that dinner preparation must be done by me while Zoe takes her afternoon nap. In short, not a whole lot of rest time in the afternoon for me. Also, no more dinner preparation as a couple activity in the evening. Dennis and I promised ourselves that we would do the long, lingering dinner preparations together on the weekends.

Yosemite Adventures

Because the soul craved to roam "through the dusky wild... and seeks the rocks where billows roll," we drove up to Yosemite over the weekend for some hiking. It would have been a great weekend simply for that reason. But it was made even better because we got to visit our friends Joy and Mark, who are rangers in Yosemite. Joy is Dennis' friend from the high school days.

We believe that this is our most successful road trip with Zoe thus far, even though there were times when she was less than happy. The picture below is evidence of that.

On the trail to Elizabeth Lake, Zoe started to complain. Though she spoke in Babyese, I believe she said "No. No. No!"

Luckily for us, she found Bunny and promptly regained her good humor.

Still, it was all in all a very good trip. We managed to do two short hikes (about 4.8 miles) on both days. Funny how our lives have changed. 4.8 miles in easy terrain used to be a really short hike easily accomplished in two to three hours. These days, with all the stops to feed baby and what not, 4.8 miles is quite good!

On the way to Sentinel Dome

On Sentinel Dome

There were quite a few firsts on this trip. Zoe climbed her first flight of stairs at Joy and Mark's new abode. She got to crawl around Sentinel Dome (I have been pretty protective so far, letting her crawl around only at home). She had her first taste of chocolate (courtesy of Auntie Joy). She had her first bath in a real bath tub. She peed on both Mommy and Daddy for the first time.

Exploring Sentinel Dome

Helping Mommy Pack

I had Zoe in the bedroom with me as I packed for our sojourn to Yosemite this weekend. The little rascal was playing happily with the clothes I had stacked when, suddenly, she decided she would help mommy pack.

Grandma and Grandpa's Visit

Grandma and grandpa came to town to celebrate with us Zoe's first birthday. Even though Zoe's reception to her grandparent's arrival was an immediate wail followed by tears and trembling, she allowed grandpa to hold and hug her by the next morning. By Friday morning, she was the best of friends with them and making full use of their love by taking great liberties with grandpa's laptop. (And showing grandpa she can rotate his entire screen 90 degrees just like that). By Monday, when grandma and grandpa left, Zoe showed distinct signs of missing them. She went around looking for them. She kept crawling back to the part of the living room where grandpa camped out with his laptop. It was a little heartbreaking to see her missing her grandparents already. We can't wait till she gets to spend time with them again.

Blogette: Zoe's First Step

Zoe took her first step today. Yep, it was really just one step and then plop. Still, we were so excited and Zoe looked very jubilant.

Family Portrait

Zoe looking so serene in the beautiful hanbok Grandma and Grandpa got her

To celebrate Zoe's birthday, Grandma and Grandpa arranged - through uncle Paul - to have pictures of Zoe taken by a professional photographer. They also wanted portraits of the now three-generation family done. The results are here and we LOVE it. Thank you uncle Paul for the recommendation and thank you Melissa Vaughan for capturing the moments. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa!

Three Generations of Kims

Us, under our beautiful tree

Birthday!

Hours Before Zoe Arrived

A year ago today, Zoe was still in my belly. But not for much longer. For a year ago tonight, I was already at the hospital experiencing contractions. It turned out to be a long labor. Thank goodness I finally came to my good senses and opted for the epidural. Now, today, that baby who was a 7 lbs 12 oz helpless but healthy bundle is a 17 lbs some rocket of energetic joy. A little person with her own opinions: "No!" "This" "That!" "Carry!"

Even mom and dad has come a long way. We are frazzled less frequently. We even seem to know what we are doing on some days! These days, I can breastfeed on the fly. It used to be that I needed all kinds of props. Breastfeeding pillows, stools... you name it.

We are really looking forward to celebrating baby's first birthday and our second year with her.

Here We Are Today

Prayer for a Child

This is a very pretty prayer written by Rachel Field.

Bless this milk and bless this bread.
Bless this soft and waiting bed
Where I presently shall be
Wrapped in sweet security.
Through the darkness, through the night
Let no danger come to fright
My sleep till morning once again
Beckons at the window pane.
Bless the toys whose shapes I know,
The shoes that take me to and fro
Up and down and everywhere.
Bless my little painted chair.
Bless the lamplight, bless the fire,
Bless the hands that never tire
In their loving care of me.
Bless my friends and family.
Bless my Father and my Mother
And keep us close to one another.
Bless other children, far and near,
And keep them safe and free from fear.
So let me sleep and let me wake
In peace and health, for Jesus' sake.
Amen.

Walter

Walter was my sister's fiance. Until last weekend, at the probable time of his death, their relationship was 16 years long. Eight years as an engaged couple (he proposed soon after they met) and eight years as a former couple who tried many times to fix the broken pieces. Unfortunately, sometime love is just not enough.

And sometimes too, we don't realize how important a person is in our lives till he is gone. His death - all alone in a Moscow apartment, probably by asthma, undiscovered for days - sent ripples of pain through my family. My mom, who never did completely forgive nor forget the one affair Walter had, the event that ruptured their tempestuous relationship, wept hard for the lost of this adopted and then abandoned son. Wept hard at the loneliness of his death. I wept because he had parents who hurt him more than they loved him, because he died a sad, lonely man. He never did get his second chance at happiness. For that, I grief for him.

The last time conversation I had with him was brief. Walter had called on Grace's birthday to wish her happy birthday. But Grace was not to be reached and I had taken his message. I was brief and perfunctory. Walter asked about how I was and how baby was. I answered they are well, but I did not ask how he was. Not really.

Now I wish I did. I wish I cared enough to show love and concern. I didn't know that I cared. We didn't know that we cared. Now, today, I wonder too late what he had for his last meal. Did he enjoy it? Did he have his shots of espresso that day? Did he smoke a cigarette? Did he have a good laugh that day? Was it sunny in Moscow the day he died? What was on his mind? Was he afraid in the last moments of his life? Grace told me that he told her that he is afraid that he will die alone and that no one would know for days. Was he thinking about that when he went down? I wish somebody was there to alleviate any pain or fear he might have had. I wish there was somebody there to love him dearly and wisely.

Funny thing is I don't even know him all that well. I mean really know and understand and not just about the food he loves (fish ball noodle soup). I guess I never did lend him my ears. I do know that "Tropic Thunder" would have given him the stitches - that's the kind of movie he liked.

The last movie we watched together was "Anchorman." He loved it. We laughed so hard together. That was when we were all in Beijing, back in December 2004. I was visiting and so was he. We congregated in Grace's apartment. That was the second last time I spent any time with him. The last time was back in 2005, when he came to San Diego with Grace. He wanted very much to come to our wedding, but never made it because he was too tied up with the business. I remember that he was very sad that he couldn't make it. I was family to him and he wanted to come. I remember that I did not miss him and that I thought it was good for Grace that he couldn't make it. I felt that - and the family felt that - there was no way Grace can ever have a relationship if the ex is also hovering about. I regret so much now that I did not urge him to come no matter what. I regret now that I never did email him a picture of Zoe even though he always asked about Zoe whenever he called. He even called me after he heard about my eye surgery.

Now that he is gone, we know the measure of the love we have for him. The saddest part of this is that he never knew. He did not have the succor of knowing. But that's because we too did not know till now.

Kiss Kiss

We took this video about a week ago but I have been too busy to post it here. Anyhow, we love this video. It shows Zoe kissing her stuff toy. These days, when we say "Zoe kiss kiss ...." instead of kissing the toy herself, she hands the toy she is clutching to us to kiss! Incidentally, Zoe has learned the "Ooooooo" part of Boynton's Snuggle Puppy. Whenever we get to the "Ooooo" part of the book, Zoe would coo "Oooooo!"

Visiting Zhen-Zhen at the Zoo

Zoe was more interested with Daddy's hair than baby panda.

Play!